Confession: I'm Not Content

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I had absolutely no idea that this is what my life would look like at 24. Out of college for over a year. No job. Single. Living at home. 

I will admit that while I was in college, I never truly thought about life after college. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do while in college, let alone after graduation. And in some part, this is still true today. I'm still deciding what I want to do for the rest of my life. 

Actually, I'm still learning how to listen to God and how to follow His will. 

I'm learning how to be content with where I am. 

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SINGLENESS.

Let's be real. When you are single, sometimes you feel like you are the only fish left alone in the big, open sea full of fish couples with little baby schools of fishes swimming all around you. 

And then that open sea gets even bigger. 

A friend you've known since childhood gets engaged. 
Someone you went to college with gets married. 
A couple you know just announces they are expecting a baby. 

And before you know it, it feels like there is no place you can swim to, to get away from all the happy fishes.

This past weekend, I was that fish. And those three things all happened. On one day. 

I've said it before that I am always happy for my friends and I love celebrating with them. They have entered joyous times and deserve to be celebrated and showered with happiness. And that is all I want to give. But, in the midst of celebrating, you can't help but wonder when (if) its going to happen for you. People all around you are telling you to be patient, to wait, that your time is coming soon, and that it always happens when you aren't looking for it, so stop looking for it. And what is our reply? "Yes, I know. You are right." But, what are we actually thinking in our heads? "Easy for you to say. You have no idea what it's like." 

Not everyone gets married. Sorry you guys, I hate to break it to you. But, it's the truth. And it's a truth that I've been dealing with ever since my sisters got married. And then my friends in college. And then people I went to high school with. And then my cousins. And then...well, you get it. You can't possibly be a twenty something and not have a fridge full of wedding announcements, invites, and maybe even some future baby shower parties. It surrounds you. It consumes the life of your friends and your Pinterest. Flowers, dresses, receptions, games, music, invitations, and monograms galore. It's hard to ignore. And it's hard to look at. 

Do I really think I'm one of those people that will never get married? Some days, yeah, maybe. If that is what God has planned for me. But, I also know that I do want a marriage. Not a wedding, a marriage. You know, that thing that truly begins after the party ends? That thing where two people do life together. Through sickness and in health? Through good times and bad? Especially the bad. I want to have somebody beside me to do life with. To enjoy each other and go on fun adventures. But, only if that is God's plan for me. 

And honestly, if we have learned anything from this post, its that I have no idea what God's plan for my life is. I'm still learning. I'm still listening. I'm still discovering. 

Even though I'm where I never thought I would be, I'm happy to be in this place. But, am I content? 

Oh, there it is. 

Content is so much different than being happy. Being content implies that you are satisfied with what you already have. So satisfied that you want nothing else. You don't need anything else. 

Confession: I am not content. 

I bet that if you swam around in that big, open sea long enough that you would find a school of fish that is just like you. A school of fish that is not made up of fish couples or little baby fishes swimming around. A school of fish that is also fighting to be content with where they are. 

One of my friends spoke some amazing truth to me this weekend. Truth that is so often overlooked. 

"We'll always be waiting for the next step. Once you get a job, its marriage, then kids, then the next thing and the next. We need to be content with who we are in God, where we are, so that we're not always stuck..." 

We are always going to be waiting for something.

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I may be waiting, I may not be content, but I won't stop celebrating. And we all have something to celebrate. 

So, I will celebrate the engagements. I will celebrate the marriages. I will celebrate the new babies. They say good things come in threes! I will celebrate my friends. I will celebrate me. I will celebrate my family and my parents.  I will celebrate my life. I will celebrate my singleness. I will celebrate all that God has given me. 

I will celebrate Him. 


I will learn to be content in plenty and in want...

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