Last week, my counselor handed me some fruit from a tree in her backyard. And I've been thinking about it all week long. I'm sure she plucked them from the tree and handed them to me only because I asked what they were out of curiosity. But, my mind has constantly gone back to those little green fruits that look like limes on the outside, but are like oranges on the inside. Whatever they may be, they are fruit. And when she placed them in my hand and told me to let her know what I thought about them, my mind was flooded with thoughts of how the Lord is growing fruit in my own life.
I am an introvert. To my core, for sure. I HAVE to reenergize by being alone after trips, night outs, basically anything high energy. But, once I reenergize I have to then put myself out among people.
Even if I'm just sitting at a coffee shop alone reading. Or walking around Target. It is so easy for me to stay in my “reenergizing” bubble. If I'm not careful, what I say is me recharging quickly becomes isolation.
It’s a true fight, because my tendency to isolate myself leads to all this other junk.
Isolation becomes ignoring community, then feeling alone, depressed, and anxious. I have to recognize there is a difference between reenergizing and isolating and ignoring my community. They can look similar, but are also very different.
One brings light in, the other darkness.
The darkness pulls me in so easily. It's as though I'm standing in front of a tunnel, but with a small opening. It seems the only thing that could fit inside would be me. But, when I step in, it's a vast space, not small at all. Normally, I step gingerly wherever I go. Yet, in the blackness, where my steps should be cautious, they aren't at all. I can almost feel the urge to run carefree in this tunnel of darkness.
How can darkness be my friend when I'm called to be a child of the light?
Parts of me fight with each other: a part wishing it would go away, the other never wanting it to. Though I find myself running in the darkness, I know that I cannot thrive in it. Darkness may be surrounding me, but it doesn't get rid of what is hiding in the shadows. It's only masking it.
And while this dark tunnel seems never-ending, I know eventually I will run into something. Do I dare to keep going to find out what happens when I do? To see what I will find beyond the shadows?
Looking back, .I have to squint to see the pinhole of light that comes from where I entered. A small bit of light that completely ruins the darkness.
I know that the Light promises so much more than darkness. Good and perfect blessings are found in the Light, salvation is found in the Light. Life is found in the Light.
The Light dispels the darkness and it takes its lies with it. Like the lie that I don't have love? Gone.
Love is found in the Light. It may not be anything like what I expected or thought it would be, because it is so much more than I know. Maybe more than I'm capable of knowing...but I know that I want to try and know it anyways.
While isolation leads me to a tunnel of darkness, Light brings me energy and so much more.
And this introvert wants to spend her life chasing the Light.
"During the night the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a vision. Then Daniel praised the God of heaven 20 and said:
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Lately, I have been so surprised as to how each book I've read has been the book I needed to read. There isn't usually a reason for the next book that I pick up, but I do try and have three current reads at a time, especially if I have a goal to read a certain amount each year. For instance, this year I want to read 24 books and I have my books separated into genres/themes and I try to have one from each grouping going at a time. Besides this, I normally just pick one randomly when it's time to begin a new one. But so far this year, when I've finished a book, I have realized that it was the book I needed for that moment. I wish I could recap all of them so far this year, maybe one day I will, but today I'll talk about "The Secret Garden" and how it met me right where I am in learning how to simply choose truths over lies.
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