Welcome to Twenties Answer!
This is a new series that was inspired by Paul Angone and his 11 Questions That Every Twenty Something Needs to Answer! For the next several weeks, every Tuesday, I'm going to be answering these questions. Send me an email or comment below your answers if you're a twenty something. Or, if you are past your twenties, how would you answer the question or what would you have done differently back in your 20s. Us twenty somethings, we love advice! Will you join me?
For more in this series:
Q1 // Q2 // Q3
Skeletons in the closet. We all have them, big or small, few or many, it's no question. But, how are we handling our skeletons? Are we keeping them in the closet buried beneath old clothes, winter sweaters, and toys? Or are we opening the closet door to get a better look?
Alert: I've never been in a relationship, so when it comes to marriage, I can't speak from experience.
"Like a third-rate magician, marriage puts big things behind a curtain, but does nothing to make it disappear." -- Paul Angone
Relationships are not going to cover up or fix our problems. If anything, it is going to expose them hardcore. Especially marriage, when you are with the person 24/7. We can't expect someone else to fix us. We aren't capable of changing others. Only ourselves.
I have a hard enough time expressing my feelings in friendships, so I can only imagine what it's going to be like if I one day get married. All of a sudden, here is a person that is my partner, my friend, my confidant. Someone who cares about me, but I can't run away. It's not like a friend or a parent, where you can go off and hide for a little while, come back and the subject has been changed. In a marriage, when you come back home, (hopefully) that person is still going to be there.
I'm thankful to have friends that ask me the hard questions. You know, the questions you don't want to ask yourself. The questions that make you examine yourself while looking in the mirror. Suppressing problems is never good, it only pushes them down deeper and gives them time to grow, until suddenly, one day, they boil over and you are left with a giant mess at your feet. I would love nothing more than to shove my problems in the deepest, darkest corner of my closet and see them be overcome by cobwebs.
I can remember times where I've been called out on my stuff. And it sucked. It wasn't fun having to deal with stuff that I had kept pushing away. But, I can't get mad, I have to bring the skeleton out and dance with it. I have to see what the issue is, why it's a problem, and then, only then, can I figure out how to deal with it.
You can't deal with a sin until you first realize you have a sin.
When it comes to answering today's question, it's not just looking at how clean or organized I am. It's not just how I shop or spend money. It's not whether I'm a night owl or early bird. Although all of these matter to an extent, it's more of how do I handle problems. How do I handle confrontation? Am I going to run away at the first sign of trouble? Or am I going to stick around, duke it out, and try to fix the problem at hand?
Wouldn't we all love to say the latter, but often resort to the first?
I've done both. Running away was easy, but the end result wasn't nearly as good as sticking around and working it out. Even though it was harder, at least I was able to push through the dirt and see the sky above. I was able to clear the cobwebs from the corner and embrace the skeleton.
The important thing to remember is to not let the skeleton back into you. It's a skeleton for a reason, it isn't part of you anymore.
You have new bones.
There will always be trials. There will always be skeletons.
Are we going to shove them in a closet and turn our backs? Or, are we going to open the door and allow the bones to tell us a story of the past? A story whose ending isn't our future.
How do you handle problems and confrontations?
Are you dealing with your skeletons or keeping them buried in the closet?
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