Written on one of the pages of my note-taking Bible, in Psalms, are these words: God’s Word is true and wonderful.
Last week was one of the worst weeks mentally and emotionally that I’ve ever had. I’ve mentioned here and there, but most recently on the blog, that I’m in counseling. The decision to go to counseling was one that I had been throwing around for about a year. In May of this year, I finally made the brave decision to go for the first time.
There is a lot that comes with counseling. I thought holding everything inside was hard, and it is, but once I started voicing everything out loud and had someone responding with truth and light, I actually had to begin to process the things I was feeling. And when it comes to processing things, I’m one of the slowest people. Last week, I woke up one morning with a lot of things swirling in my head. There were some things that finally clicked from my latest counseling session, but I had to go to work. There was no time for me to process anything that was happening in my head. One thing escalated on top of another and I found myself deep in a tunnel of darkness.
I talked about that dark tunnel recently. About how it easily pulls me in and there it seems my steps should be cautious, yet they are the opposite. In the dark is where I almost find myself running carefree. But, I know that eventually I will run into something. I know that I cannot thrive there. The darkness is only hiding what is in the shadows, masking it.
And I know that the Light promises so much more, because there are no shadows where the Lord is.
Yet, the light was so hard for me to find that day. And the next. Even the one after that. It wasn’t until the weekend that I slowly began to feel the darkness leaving and light surrounding me more.
In the past, I would have retreated farther into that dark tunnel. I would have pushed all my feelings and emotions farther down, just hoping they would disappear. I would have stayed silent to myself, my friends, and God. I would have continued to believe that they didn’t care and that they were too busy to listen to my worries. I would have continued to build walls that only further isolate me.
Not this time...
I have a group of friends who I turn to for prayer. We know that we can text each other at any time when we need prayer for anything. I don’t know that I’ve ever really texted them in this desperate of a moment, but I did. And they replied. Not just then, but the day after and the day after that and even a week later. My friends surrounded me in one of my darkest moments and reached in to help pull me out of the dark. They prayed with me, they asked how my day was going, they were there even through distance.
The biggest thing? They proved me wrong.
They proved me wrong in my thinking that they wouldn’t be there or that they didn’t cared or that they were too busy. They proved me wrong in believing that I was alone in this.
As one friend reminded me: “this will be a work of the Holy Spirit binding us up in only a way He can do and boy will He do it!”
Sanctification. That is what that is and that is what all this is for. To be made more holy and more like Christ. This is the fire that will refine me. The fire that is making me pure. The fire that I find myself walking around in the middle of, but there is Someone else in the fire with me. A holy God who is not consumed with flames. And He won’t let me be consumed either.
Like that same friend said, “The loneliness won’t last. The anger won’t last.” Add to that my bitterness, doubt and worry. They won’t last, because they aren’t what will refine or define me.
A holy, burning fire that hurts like hell, but doesn’t have the power of hell. It can’t keep me, because God already has me.
Back to those words found written in the margin of my Bible: God’s Word is true and wonderful. When the words that fill my head are those full of bitterness, anger, doubt or anything of the like, I know the place I need to turn to is His Word. Because there is where I find goodness, truth, mercy and courage. And reminders that I am loved, wanted, chosen and seen by God. Those are the things that I want to choose to remember, every day, but especially on the days where everything seems a little darker.
Psalms especially makes me feel not alone. Like David, one moment I can be praising God exuberantly and the next crying out to Him in anger wondering if He will come through. David is real, true and honest in His relationship with God. He was a man after God’s heart and that’s the kind of woman that I want to be.
Psalm 119 is the longest chapter in the Bible. Open your Bible to the middle and you will probably find yourself in it or close to it. This Psalm tells me how God’s words are. Life-giving, enduring, wise, and counseling. I find ways to be obedient to His words. Hiding them in my heart, living according to His words, putting my hope in them, and longing for more of His Word. And I find different questions I can ask. Like for the Lord to teach me, help me, ensure me, and let me live in His goodness.
His words are the words I need to be simply choosing each day. His words are the words I want you to be choosing each day. So I say let’s do it together. Let’s look to the Psalms and the ways that His words are true and wonderful. I don’t want to do this alone. So tell me, in the comments below, where do you find yourself? Are you looking at ways you should obey His word, is there something you are asking the Lord to do, or do you find yourself desperate to draw closer to His words?
Maybe you are all three, maybe you don’t find yourself in any of that and don’t know where to begin. All I ask is that you simply choose to open His word. Know that you are not alone in whatever place you find yourself in. Whether in a dark tunnel or dancing in triumph, we are all being refined by some sort of fire. Being made holy is a goal for us all and we all start somewhere. Will you simply choose with me to do this?
For the next few blog posts, I want them to be powered by you. Tell me where you find yourself. Read through the Psalms, especially 119, and see what it says. Let’s let the word be true and wonderful as we see what we should do, see what we should ask of the Lord, and learn all the ways that His word is wonderful. I’ll be writing about these different things, paired with short prayers that we can use, as we walk through the fire. Together.
comment below and tell me...
How do you see yourself being obedient in what the Word tells us?
What do you find yourself asking the Lord to do through His Word?
What is His Word to you?
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