Grace is something that continues to astound and leave me speechless.
Free, unmerited favor.
I know I'm undeserving of it, grace, but God extends it freely. And I've been reluctant to accept it. I know I have. I've held out a hand, but once it gets too close, I've pulled away. Thinking that a full dose of grace, or merit, is really only for others, not for me. I've lately been thinking of how I'm not deserving (and I'm not), so it must mean God is holding back (but He isn't).
I've lived in this mentality for quite awhile that when things aren't good, that is just how they are meant to be. Or I don't have xyz like others do, because they are more deserving of xyz. Or the biggest one of all, I'm not meant for xyz.
And xyz can be anything on any given day.
Healing. A relationship. Peace. Joy. Money. Love. Friends.
If I'm being honest, Jesus has felt far away to me lately. God, the Creator, is always there and I'm never without a sense of Him. Holy Spirit has always felt closest to me; my constant, indwelling, counseling, companion. But Jesus? My Savior. He's felt far.
This morning, I felt Him whisper to me again. Breaking the silence that has felt more routine it seems, He told me to stop believing that what He does for others, He can't do for me. Because He can. And He wants to. And while I know I'm not meant for everything that everyone else may seem to have, I know I am meant to have Him.
I'm not sure when I started believing that everything isn't found in Him. What a lie.
He is everything.
Alpha and Omega. Everything begins and ends with Him, including all of this life, that is simply in the middle.
He isn't holding back, because He's already freely given everything. May I receive it.
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